Bond

by rain

This morning I checked my CR inbox because Miri left a message, an answer of my PM yesterday. I was quite surprised that she was not being talky as usual. It was a very mature answer and I was happy with that. She just said good luck and not being draggy by asking me to come back there. But Qiella didn't say anything. I kind of expected it actually. She did a very good job of being mature and being a support after such big blows in her life. But she is still very naive and sweet. Maybe in 3 or 4 days I'll contact Miri to ask if my little Setsuna is alright, if there is still no respond. My goodbye was a silent one, and indeed I didn't intend to make a big fuss. Only Miri and Qiella, after Joey, are the ones I'm worrying about there. Maybe I'll be back. Maybe not. But it's a later talk.
I don't want to play a hero this time. I admit doing all of this is because my selfish thoughts too. Who likes to be insane person who always get irritated and mad without any reason? So it goes, and I tried to cut off a source of my unexplainable acts lately. After that talk with my lovey, I snapped out of my dark thoughts. It was lack of trust from my side. For the whole my life, I've been trying so hard not to trust others easily because basically I'm a very naive person. And I saw examples of how naive people will be trampled over, tricked and burdening others... at least in my version. So I tried not to be. Even in a very small things, like group task for school. I always did all work, simply because I didn't trust that others can do better. I let my arrogancy and distrust leads my way for years. And before I realised, I hurt many people by doing that. I was really thankful that finally my lovey pointed that out. And I really want to learn about trust, the first time in my life, consciously, with my own choice. Probably... this is a way where I can love my lovey fully. And I want to do so because I love my lovey with all my imperfections and tiny love. Thank you lovey for broadening my vision. I will try to be a better person and better lover for you.