Delicate

by rain

Born in rabbit year, I often wondering if I will survive this world with all my sensitivity. Sounds like I'm complaining a lot to God for my own existence. For my weakness whenever there are nobody around me physically. For the easiness to break down in a slight sign of conflict. For my quirks: brushing people off while I'm in need. And the easiness to see all things negatively... turning all my dissapoinments for subtle revenge. Maybe I'm punished for my strange hobby to "test" if people are willing to be my friends or not by doing harsh things to them. Then some days I realised it was not merely a purposefully-done-actions. I hurt the one so dear to me. It has become my habit. Or maybe even worse, I was born as a sadist. An old man in Kino no Tabi movie said "Men doesn't always need to achieve something to make his life meaningful" ... Maybe my existence makes some people like my lover (or maybe my parents) happy. But does anyone happy with half-broken person? Maybe not. I want to do something, at least for my lovey, so she feels appreciated. But I even don't know what to do to save my own ass. The knight seems to lost her wits.